"whats for dinner mom?"
“A vase of spaghetti and milk in a floral glass”
friend i have some bad news for you.
i got really happy about this and then i was like “this dog is probably dead” and now i am crying
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
Parrot caught singing let the bodies hit the floor
I was so done when it whispered…I would shit bricks if I heard that when I got up to get a drink in the middle of the night…
“Let the bodies hit the….FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!”
oh my god he’s so into itfunny as fuck
"kids arent being social now a days because of those brain washing phones" what the fuck do you think we’re doing with the phones. do you think we just stare at the number pad. do you think twitter is just a one way text from a robot bird.
trying to decode what you wrote to yourself.jpeg